Today, I am seeking opinions. It's not very often that I do this, simply because I generally don't like what other people say. I am learning, however, to let go of the reigns a little bit and let people into my comfort zone.
So, here it goes:
I am highly considering joining the ranks of such ladies as Liz Taylor and Marie Osmond. I have been on a popular dating site for a while now. I have had some very..uh..interesting experiences during this process. Recently, I logged on and saw the face of my ex-husband staring back at me. He had been viewing my profile. Now, although he and I have a seven year old son together, I haven't spoken to this man in years!
Because I have gone through many forms of healing and growth, I no longer harbored any ill-placed feelings toward him. My only wish was that, despite what I've said to him in the past, he had stayed in our son's life. I decided to leave him a message to let him know how I felt about our history. I told him that I apologize for severely mistreating him, for not loving him, for toying with his emotions, and for ultimately having a son knowing I didn't really want him around. I told him of my growth and let him know that I took most of the blame for the deterioration of our marriage. The problem was that I knew, going in, that I should not have married him. I didn't love him, I didn't have the patience for what I deemed to be stupidity on his part, and I wanted to be in control of everything yet became very vicious toward him because I felt like the man in our relationship. Honestly, he just didn't have a chance.
Shortly after him having viewed my profile, I saw him on Facebook. We exchanged a few messages and ultimately phone numbers and have been speaking very regularly ever since. He has since moved back to our home state which is 3,000 miles away, but talks about moving back here soon. He mentioned to me, the other day, that our converstions have stirred his emotions back up and that he is still in love with me. He swears that he wants to be back in our lives without fail this time.
My Thoughts...
He seems to have also grown and matured and does not sound like a complete idiot to me anymore. He is developing his own catering company and seems to be much more focused and business oriented than ever before. My son's behavior is atrocious, and I feel as though he really needs his father in his life for multiple reasons. Most of all though, I HATE the dating scene. I am so far over trying to get to know new people, learn their ways and behaviors, understand their level of crazy. I've had quite enough of all of that. This man already knows me and I know him. We have known each other for ten years, have lived together and have a son. Most importantly, I know that he will treat me like a queen and not only do I deserve that, but I am extremely tired of being alone.
My Fears...
I am afraid of me. Although I have grown and changed spiritually and emotionally, I have healed from my traumas, and I have replaced the old me with a much calmer, nicer, more caring version, I wonder if there will be something about him that will awaken the dead and bring that part of me back. If anyone, he would definitely be able to do it.
My Questions to You...
Would you be able to trust that this person could truly love you after having treated them so badly?
Do you believe that the past should stay in the past no matter what?
Do you believe that people come in and out of your life for reasons beyond your control?
Would you consider it settling to re-enter into a relationship with him?
and finally...
Would you go back?
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