When Life Has Got You Down

I wanted to talk a little bit about the status of our mental health, as a community.

 I remember going through some traumatic events as a child, mainly molestation, and having my family say to “keep it in the house”. Translation – no one outside of the house should ever know. What I have realized over the years is that many of us continue to maintain this mindset. We believe that hurt should simply be tucked away and dealt with privately, instead of addressed and handled professionally, or at least positively. Families of color are the ones who seem to be most affected by this “traditional” manner of thinking. Why, you ask? Well, unfortunately, it usually has nothing to do with protecting the child, and everything to do with protecting and preserving the name and image of the family as well as the perpetrator. Families don’t want people “looking at them funny”.

 This is the cycle that needs to be broken. Not breaking it will instead leave behind broken individuals. You know the old adage, “hurt people hurt people”? It is very true and could easily be repaired by simply dealing with the pain. I firmly believe that my healing could have come much sooner had my childhood experiences been dealt with early in life.

 

Pain manifests in many different ways in each person affected. Oftentimes, unsettled pain leads to destructive behaviors and thinking patterns such as suicide, drugs, violence, alcoholism, predatory behaviors, the inability to maintain successful relationships, fear, trust issues, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and so many other unnecessary problems. It amazes me how a family could believe that allowing one of their own to suffer with these tormenting afflictions is somehow better than risking someone knowing a secret. These thought processes are what cause people to believe that suffering in silence is ok. Then what? You have continued domestic abuse, animal torture, moms and dads killing their families over money issues, young children killing their parents, people binged out on drugs and alcohol, and so on and so on.

 Yes, I know that there will be more pain when facing what ails you. I understand that people may find out the family’s dirty little secret, but the destruction behind not facing the demons head on is far worse.

 The Pain of Heartache

Why Does Life Have You Down?

 

See, there can be many different reasons why life may have you down. The most obvious outside influence is the economy. You also have internal influences however, which often stem from a string of compiling problems. For example, you lost your job, can’t get unemployment, begin drinking, marriage then falls apart, and now you’re contemplating suicide, suicide-murder, robbery, prostitution, etc… all simply trying to cope.  I know that this is an extreme scenario, but it is one that we have seen far too often on the news. Unfortunately ‘coping’ often begins the downward spiral. Simply coping is not the solution. Of course we must continue on with life, but in doing so we must also live life. Living life consists of completely embracing every moment…the good and the bad. None of us were designed to live a perfect life. If that were the case, I would have been first in line! Finding the strength within you to continue pressing forward, despite the obstacles, is what makes and shapes us as individuals. Any one of us can give up or give in. That is certainly the easiest thing to do. What is it, however, that you wish to define you? When your time here has come to its end, do you want people to remember you as the person who simply gave up, or for having a spirit of tenacity and facing life’s challenges head on? Do you care at all?

 

Remember this...

 

 

 

Here is some homework for you to complete that will have you well on your way to a happier you!

 

1.      Answer the question above. Do you care? Do you care about your physical and mental health? Do you care about the legacy you leave behind? Do you care what you pass down to the generations coming behind you?

2.      Write down EVERYTHING that you believe is a problem for you. (Money, Marriage, Career, School, etc…)

3.      Make a list of EVERYONE that you believe has harmed you in some way, either physically or mentally.

4.      Say a prayer, giving thanks for ALL things and people that have crossed your path. Believe it or not, they can all be credited for helping shape you. Pray for each of the individuals who have wronged you. Pray for forgiveness for those people, and forgiveness of self for harboring ill feelings, and allowing self-torment. Finally, pray for peace, wisdom, understanding, and the strength to be able to face any adversity without fear. Remembering that fear is simply an illusion.

5.      Learn how to forgive. The process is as follows…forgive yourself first, do not discuss  what hurt was caused to you to with people in anger, do not dwell on these hurts to yourself, do not confront the person(s) who wronged you in anger or with a heavy heart.

6.      Find ways to clear your mind such as prayer, meditation, physical exercise, fasting, etc… Incorporate these things into your regular daily routine.

7.      Seek professional help or at least talk with someone who may offer you a different point of view.

8.      As you clear negative feelings about each thing on your list, cross it off – completely so that you can’t even see it again!

9.      Once your list is completely checked off…BURN IT! Or give it a funeral and bury it ALL!

10.  Now, the hardest part, make a list of the positive things that you can do to help better your own situation, and actively start setting these things in motion..

 

CONGRATULATIONS! You are well on your way to a healthier, happier you! Remember, all obstacles, challenges, problems, strongholds, and otherwise adversities can and will be overcome when faced and dealt with positively. Know that you DO NOT have to suffer in silence.