Ok ladies, I am here to give it to
you straight. I’m singling you out from the men, because it seems that we are
the ones who have the greatest problem with two major issues; one, suffering in
silence and two, not loving ourselves first. Hopefully, we can change this
pattern of thinking right here, right now.
Let’s look at these
issues separately. Many of us, even with cultural differences, were raised to
be strong. We were raised with the notion that what happens in the house -
stays in the house, or to sweep it under the rug. I’m no different. When
traumatic things happened within the family, that’s where it was supposed to
stay. Think about how ridiculous that actually is. I’ve seen families go to the
extremes of concealing predators, killers, and other criminals due to this
twisted way of thinking. Suffering in silence is not only detrimental to our
physical health, in terms of stress-related illnesses, but also to our
long-term emotional well-being. Not facing, coping with, and healing from
things in an appropriate and healthy manner always causes problems with our
mental stability – whether or not you choose to admit it. How do I know this?
Because I lived it. I am the person
I’m describing, and you may be too. My past includes child sexual abuse for
many years, family lies that concealed the identity of my biological father,
rape, domestic violence and more. Through all of this, I figured that I was
strong enough to handle it on my own. My upbringing taught me to deal with
things this way. By the time I reached adulthood, I was really messed up
emotionally, and had not even realized it. These experiences affected how I
related to people, how I handled certain situations, and most importantly, how
I viewed and treated myself. While I used extreme vanity and sex to mask my
true feelings, I was dying inside from low self-esteem. I never seemed to feel
worthy enough or happy enough. I didn’t
trust people and believed that everyone had a hidden agenda. Without facing these
issues, I simply existed. Really living
just wasn’t an option for me. This caused me to make many harmful decisions as
it related to my existence. Eventually, after writing my debut novel and other
subsequent changes and realizations, I began to understand exactly how
unhealthy and life-threatening trying to deal with things alone was for me. I
just don’t want you to travel down the same road that I did, and if you are
already in this place, know that it is not too late to make healthier
decisions.
Making healthier
decisions is the ultimate sign of showing yourself just how much you love you. Forgiveness, dependent
upon your history, is usually the first step. Forgiveness of self before all
others. Know that every one of us has made decisions that we are not proud of.
We have all made choices that put us in harmful situations, or have found
ourselves practicing destructive behaviors. Just know that we can use that
strength that we hold so dear to elevate ourselves. My book states that,
“Forgiveness is the ultimate feeling of release and freedom”. I firmly believe
that, without this vital step, we will never experience true happiness, or
completely fulfilling relationships with others. There is sufficient truth to
the saying that we cannot love others until we first love ourselves.
On another note,
there are some other keys to happiness that you must understand. One of which
is the understanding that you cannot change anyone. Many of us delve into
relationships, carrying our own brokenness, and believing that we can change or
fix the other person. When will we learn that no matter how strong we believe
ourselves to be, this is simply not possible? People are going to be who they
are constructed to be. They may compromise some, or make attempts at changing
some behaviors, but ultimately, the core of who they are will never change. A large
part of loving ourselves above all others is by not accepting torture in the
form of abuse, disrespect, and behavior that consistently shows ones true
colors. We were made with intuition for a reason. When something seems off, so
much so that you feel the need to seek counsel even, it probably is. Ladies, we
are worthy of joy, and a love that
many of us have never known. Believing that you are worthy is all that it takes.
You can proclaim to your friends and others that you’re worthy, but until you
believe it, wholeheartedly, within your soul, you will remain damaged.
Thanks for listening,
Souraya Christine
Author of “When is Strong, Strong
Enough? How to Push Through the Pain”
Available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook,
and most other book outlets.
that topic says it all, you have to love yourself first
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