If I've learned nothing else in life, I've learned that karma is unforgiving and relentless. The long term effects are simply not worth the instant gratification. Whether or not you're a spiritual person, right is right and wrong is wrong, and integrity should practiced by everyone. Integrity is just the practice of doing what is right, even when no one is watching.
Today, my integrity was heavily tested. This morning I awakened to a strange SUV parked in my driveway. This vehicle also happened to have a rather large amount of cash in it, in plain sight. My options were either to break into the car, take the money, then call the police and just say I found it that way; or call the police and let them handle it all. What do you think I did? What would you have done?
Here's a little backdrop, I lost my job last July and have had no real income since then, all of the bills are behind, and just yesterday I prayed hard for a lump sum of cash so that I could take care of some pressing things. I know, generally random lump sums of cash don't just spring from a tree, even after prayer, but hey...this time it just dropped into my driveway! Should I take this as an answer to my prayers, or a test of my character? Do I desire the cash so greatly that I am willing to steal for it? After all, it would be stealing - regardless of the fact that it was on my property. So now what?
Teaching children about stealing
Well, some of you will be proud of me, others will think I'm stupid. Either way, I'm satisfied with my decision. I did call the police, seeing as how there was a strange vehicle blocking my driveway, making my daughter late for her schoolbus. I did not however, steal the money inside. Even the officer said to me, "Just break the window, I'll go sit in the car." As tempting as that offer was, I opted to practice honesty and integrity. Who knows what that money was for. Perhaps it would have put the owner's life at risk. Perhaps taking it would have put mine at risk. I do have to ask though, what kind of idiot leaves that kind of money in the car for any passerby to see.
The moral of the story is simple, yes I could have taken the money and solved my financial problems, but that would have put me in a place of discomfort, worrying about recourse from the owner or worse, the universe. No amount of money or stuff is worth losing your peace of mind, soul, and it you believe like me...the favor of God.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
When You Know Better, You Do Better...At Least That's What They Say
Over the past week, I have had this same conversation at least three times with three different people, so I felt the need to share it with you. As a race, black people, we have got to do better. People often say, if you know better you do better, but the truth is that we DO know better, yet we continue to choose a mentality that keeps our race behind the 8-ball.
This is what I mean...look at other races/cultures: white, asian, even some hispanic, and others...they tend to support their own. They build their own churches, restaurants, schools, insurance companies, banks, etc.... They help with the raising of children, circulate their funds within their own communities, and do whatever is necessary to ensure that their people thrive. We, on the other hand, in general, have more of a crab-in-a-bucket mentality. Although we need to purchase, receive services etc... we opt to take our money elsewhere and view our own people as threats instead of allies.
Everyone is out for self, it seems. It is evident in our communities, on social media platforms, even in our churches. What we don't seem to realize is how well supporting each other works for others, and how damaging we are to ourselves; yet we're quick to blame other races for our problems when we're the ones who CHOOSE to maintain a slave-like mentality. Not all of us are this way, true, but as a whole we are failing miserably in this area.
Now, I understand some of the reasons why. We lack customer service skills, our business owners seem lazy with their commitment and follow through, and we're often unprofessional in our actions and demeanor. These are things that I have personally witnessed when supporting my own, and it is these behaviors that are a huge part of the problem. We have got to develop our thinking beyond self and understand that, if we were to all do our part in supporting each other, there would be no stopping us. As a people, a race, a community, we would thrive. And what a positive effect this would have on so many other problems we face like low self-worth, violence, despair.
I know, I know...it's not YOU that I'm talking about. I understand. However, are you doing your part to bring us closer together instead of dividing and conquering? It's always been funny to me how we blame "the white man" for doing this, when we do it so much on our own that "they" don't even need to. Wake up black people! It's not like you don't recognize this concept. Let's own it. By practicing it daily and making a conscious effort to make changes we can and will be successful as a whole.
**Let me also say, for the people who will twist this into something crazy, I love ALL people. There is no shred of racism in me. There are things about all races that I both love and dislike. My goal is simply to educate the race to which I belong.**
This is what I mean...look at other races/cultures: white, asian, even some hispanic, and others...they tend to support their own. They build their own churches, restaurants, schools, insurance companies, banks, etc.... They help with the raising of children, circulate their funds within their own communities, and do whatever is necessary to ensure that their people thrive. We, on the other hand, in general, have more of a crab-in-a-bucket mentality. Although we need to purchase, receive services etc... we opt to take our money elsewhere and view our own people as threats instead of allies.
Everyone is out for self, it seems. It is evident in our communities, on social media platforms, even in our churches. What we don't seem to realize is how well supporting each other works for others, and how damaging we are to ourselves; yet we're quick to blame other races for our problems when we're the ones who CHOOSE to maintain a slave-like mentality. Not all of us are this way, true, but as a whole we are failing miserably in this area.
Now, I understand some of the reasons why. We lack customer service skills, our business owners seem lazy with their commitment and follow through, and we're often unprofessional in our actions and demeanor. These are things that I have personally witnessed when supporting my own, and it is these behaviors that are a huge part of the problem. We have got to develop our thinking beyond self and understand that, if we were to all do our part in supporting each other, there would be no stopping us. As a people, a race, a community, we would thrive. And what a positive effect this would have on so many other problems we face like low self-worth, violence, despair.
I know, I know...it's not YOU that I'm talking about. I understand. However, are you doing your part to bring us closer together instead of dividing and conquering? It's always been funny to me how we blame "the white man" for doing this, when we do it so much on our own that "they" don't even need to. Wake up black people! It's not like you don't recognize this concept. Let's own it. By practicing it daily and making a conscious effort to make changes we can and will be successful as a whole.
**Let me also say, for the people who will twist this into something crazy, I love ALL people. There is no shred of racism in me. There are things about all races that I both love and dislike. My goal is simply to educate the race to which I belong.**
Sunday, February 24, 2013
MICHAEL'S DEMONS
One of the final "straws that broke the camel's back", that led to my leaving the hospital for good, was the undaunting task of performing an amateur exorcism on a young man named Michael.
Michael, a young man in his late teens, had presented, through the ER, with symptoms of extreme pain, nausea, and headaches. His family stated that he had recently been on a year long church mission in Mexico and they feared he had contracted some sort of parasite or something. After extensive testing for everything imaginable, Michael's medical state was unexplainable. All of his tests were negative. The hospital opted to keep him overnight anyway for further tests and observation.
I, at that time, was a Phlebotomy Technician. It was my job to go in and collect Michael's blood for testing. When I entered the room, I immediately felt a weird sensation throughout my body. I could tell that something just wasn't right. His family proceeded to tell me of his mission trip and his symptoms. His mom stated that he had not been himself since he returned from Mexico. They also shared with me that he had been uttering another name this entire time as well, David. Something they hadn't shared with the hospital staff for fear of judgement. As I walked over to Michael's bed, I got goosebumps all over. I will never forget his face. It was as if he knew that my spirit was a threat to his. I watched his face morph into some sort of demonic state as his forehead crunched, his eyes became dark and glassy, and his mouth appeared to be somewhat of a gaping hole to nowhere. "Michael?" I said, "I am here to draw your blood. Your family told me you weren't feeling well after your trip. You want to talk about it?" Michael simply growled at me like a wolf seeking prey.
Catholic Encyclopedia
I turned to Michael's family, because I knew they were very religious, and asked them if they would mind giving me some private time with him. I told them that I wanted to pray over him. They were happy to oblige, and couldn't believe that someone, in this setting, would actually do this.
I must say, I was a little uneasy. After all, I had been thinking heavily about adjusting my own lifestyle and getting back into the church, but had made no significant steps toward doing so. I really didn't feel qualified to pray over this young man, but my heart and soul were compelled to. I asked one of the nurses assistant's to keep people out of this room for a short while, but she insisted on joining me. She suggested that two people coming together for the same purpose were better than one, as the Bible states. I was happy to have her.
She grabbed one of his hands and I grabbed the other. I asked him who was inside of him, and with a gut-wrenching voice, his response was "David". "There are three others here as well." He said, which unnerved me even more. However, it was too late to turn back now. I had to try and help Michael.
I began to vehemently pray over this young man, asking for his soul to be released, rebuking the demons and casting them back to Hell. The whole time I could feel his body jerking and hear him growling as if the demons inside of him were fighting hard to remain in control of his soul. As I closed my prayer, in Jesus' name, I looked up at him and found the most peaceful expression on his face. "Michael?" I said, "How are you feeling?"
"Tired." He responded. "Something's been really wrong with me lately." I told him that we had just come together to pray over him with his family's permission, and that he should be feeling much better now. I told him however, that he was still in a weakened state and that he had to remain prayerful on his own and continue to indulge in the word of God. He smiled at me, and I must say, compared to the initial response I had gotten from him, this felt amazing.
I summoned his family and continued on to draw his blood. I received hugs from everyone and went on to my next patient. I was quite a bit drained after this experience, but happy to have been there to help. I don't know why God chose me to provide this service on this day, especially when my own soul wasn't all the way right. However, I am honored to have been chosen nonetheless, and proud of being obedient.
I've never seen or heard from Michael or his family again. Wherever they are, I pray they are well and continuing to lean on each other and God for support.
Michael, a young man in his late teens, had presented, through the ER, with symptoms of extreme pain, nausea, and headaches. His family stated that he had recently been on a year long church mission in Mexico and they feared he had contracted some sort of parasite or something. After extensive testing for everything imaginable, Michael's medical state was unexplainable. All of his tests were negative. The hospital opted to keep him overnight anyway for further tests and observation.
I, at that time, was a Phlebotomy Technician. It was my job to go in and collect Michael's blood for testing. When I entered the room, I immediately felt a weird sensation throughout my body. I could tell that something just wasn't right. His family proceeded to tell me of his mission trip and his symptoms. His mom stated that he had not been himself since he returned from Mexico. They also shared with me that he had been uttering another name this entire time as well, David. Something they hadn't shared with the hospital staff for fear of judgement. As I walked over to Michael's bed, I got goosebumps all over. I will never forget his face. It was as if he knew that my spirit was a threat to his. I watched his face morph into some sort of demonic state as his forehead crunched, his eyes became dark and glassy, and his mouth appeared to be somewhat of a gaping hole to nowhere. "Michael?" I said, "I am here to draw your blood. Your family told me you weren't feeling well after your trip. You want to talk about it?" Michael simply growled at me like a wolf seeking prey.
Catholic Encyclopedia
I turned to Michael's family, because I knew they were very religious, and asked them if they would mind giving me some private time with him. I told them that I wanted to pray over him. They were happy to oblige, and couldn't believe that someone, in this setting, would actually do this.
I must say, I was a little uneasy. After all, I had been thinking heavily about adjusting my own lifestyle and getting back into the church, but had made no significant steps toward doing so. I really didn't feel qualified to pray over this young man, but my heart and soul were compelled to. I asked one of the nurses assistant's to keep people out of this room for a short while, but she insisted on joining me. She suggested that two people coming together for the same purpose were better than one, as the Bible states. I was happy to have her.
She grabbed one of his hands and I grabbed the other. I asked him who was inside of him, and with a gut-wrenching voice, his response was "David". "There are three others here as well." He said, which unnerved me even more. However, it was too late to turn back now. I had to try and help Michael.
"Tired." He responded. "Something's been really wrong with me lately." I told him that we had just come together to pray over him with his family's permission, and that he should be feeling much better now. I told him however, that he was still in a weakened state and that he had to remain prayerful on his own and continue to indulge in the word of God. He smiled at me, and I must say, compared to the initial response I had gotten from him, this felt amazing.
I summoned his family and continued on to draw his blood. I received hugs from everyone and went on to my next patient. I was quite a bit drained after this experience, but happy to have been there to help. I don't know why God chose me to provide this service on this day, especially when my own soul wasn't all the way right. However, I am honored to have been chosen nonetheless, and proud of being obedient.
I've never seen or heard from Michael or his family again. Wherever they are, I pray they are well and continuing to lean on each other and God for support.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Never Strong Enough...Overcoming Betrayal 02/28 by Never Strong Enough | Blog Talk Radio
Never Strong Enough...Overcoming Betrayal 02/28 by Never Strong Enough | Blog Talk Radio
Tune in Next Thursday 2/28/13 at 6pm pst for PART III in the Relationship Series with Special Guest: Bishop Pierre D. Chambers.
Dealing with identity, suicide, relationships, and personal belief, God still had his hand on Chambers, despite the abuse. His story is one of personal change and spiritual pilgrimage, with both its discouraging failures and its deeply satisfying successes.
Join us for the journey!
Tune in Next Thursday 2/28/13 at 6pm pst for PART III in the Relationship Series with Special Guest: Bishop Pierre D. Chambers.
Dealing with identity, suicide, relationships, and personal belief, God still had his hand on Chambers, despite the abuse. His story is one of personal change and spiritual pilgrimage, with both its discouraging failures and its deeply satisfying successes.
Join us for the journey!
The Strength to Let Go
Simply put...you have to go and listen to this archived show about letting go of people/situations/experiences that are holding you back from your purpose in life.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/never-strong-enough/2013/02/22/never-strong-enough
Ultimately you must understand that God made you to be successful. He designed you perfectly to live your best life. Allowing others, including ourselves, to act as road blocks in our lives is not what He meant for us. I don't want to give you too much, but listen to the show by following the link above, then come back and let's discuss any questions or comments you may have.
Let's figure out what's holding you back and focus on breaking it down!
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/never-strong-enough/2013/02/22/never-strong-enough
Ultimately you must understand that God made you to be successful. He designed you perfectly to live your best life. Allowing others, including ourselves, to act as road blocks in our lives is not what He meant for us. I don't want to give you too much, but listen to the show by following the link above, then come back and let's discuss any questions or comments you may have.
Let's figure out what's holding you back and focus on breaking it down!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Would You Go Back?
Today, I am seeking opinions. It's not very often that I do this, simply because I generally don't like what other people say. I am learning, however, to let go of the reigns a little bit and let people into my comfort zone.
So, here it goes:
I am highly considering joining the ranks of such ladies as Liz Taylor and Marie Osmond. I have been on a popular dating site for a while now. I have had some very..uh..interesting experiences during this process. Recently, I logged on and saw the face of my ex-husband staring back at me. He had been viewing my profile. Now, although he and I have a seven year old son together, I haven't spoken to this man in years!
Because I have gone through many forms of healing and growth, I no longer harbored any ill-placed feelings toward him. My only wish was that, despite what I've said to him in the past, he had stayed in our son's life. I decided to leave him a message to let him know how I felt about our history. I told him that I apologize for severely mistreating him, for not loving him, for toying with his emotions, and for ultimately having a son knowing I didn't really want him around. I told him of my growth and let him know that I took most of the blame for the deterioration of our marriage. The problem was that I knew, going in, that I should not have married him. I didn't love him, I didn't have the patience for what I deemed to be stupidity on his part, and I wanted to be in control of everything yet became very vicious toward him because I felt like the man in our relationship. Honestly, he just didn't have a chance.
Shortly after him having viewed my profile, I saw him on Facebook. We exchanged a few messages and ultimately phone numbers and have been speaking very regularly ever since. He has since moved back to our home state which is 3,000 miles away, but talks about moving back here soon. He mentioned to me, the other day, that our converstions have stirred his emotions back up and that he is still in love with me. He swears that he wants to be back in our lives without fail this time.
My Thoughts...
He seems to have also grown and matured and does not sound like a complete idiot to me anymore. He is developing his own catering company and seems to be much more focused and business oriented than ever before. My son's behavior is atrocious, and I feel as though he really needs his father in his life for multiple reasons. Most of all though, I HATE the dating scene. I am so far over trying to get to know new people, learn their ways and behaviors, understand their level of crazy. I've had quite enough of all of that. This man already knows me and I know him. We have known each other for ten years, have lived together and have a son. Most importantly, I know that he will treat me like a queen and not only do I deserve that, but I am extremely tired of being alone.
My Fears...
I am afraid of me. Although I have grown and changed spiritually and emotionally, I have healed from my traumas, and I have replaced the old me with a much calmer, nicer, more caring version, I wonder if there will be something about him that will awaken the dead and bring that part of me back. If anyone, he would definitely be able to do it.
My Questions to You...
Would you be able to trust that this person could truly love you after having treated them so badly?
Do you believe that the past should stay in the past no matter what?
Do you believe that people come in and out of your life for reasons beyond your control?
Would you consider it settling to re-enter into a relationship with him?
and finally...
Would you go back?
So, here it goes:
I am highly considering joining the ranks of such ladies as Liz Taylor and Marie Osmond. I have been on a popular dating site for a while now. I have had some very..uh..interesting experiences during this process. Recently, I logged on and saw the face of my ex-husband staring back at me. He had been viewing my profile. Now, although he and I have a seven year old son together, I haven't spoken to this man in years!
Because I have gone through many forms of healing and growth, I no longer harbored any ill-placed feelings toward him. My only wish was that, despite what I've said to him in the past, he had stayed in our son's life. I decided to leave him a message to let him know how I felt about our history. I told him that I apologize for severely mistreating him, for not loving him, for toying with his emotions, and for ultimately having a son knowing I didn't really want him around. I told him of my growth and let him know that I took most of the blame for the deterioration of our marriage. The problem was that I knew, going in, that I should not have married him. I didn't love him, I didn't have the patience for what I deemed to be stupidity on his part, and I wanted to be in control of everything yet became very vicious toward him because I felt like the man in our relationship. Honestly, he just didn't have a chance.
Shortly after him having viewed my profile, I saw him on Facebook. We exchanged a few messages and ultimately phone numbers and have been speaking very regularly ever since. He has since moved back to our home state which is 3,000 miles away, but talks about moving back here soon. He mentioned to me, the other day, that our converstions have stirred his emotions back up and that he is still in love with me. He swears that he wants to be back in our lives without fail this time.
My Thoughts...
He seems to have also grown and matured and does not sound like a complete idiot to me anymore. He is developing his own catering company and seems to be much more focused and business oriented than ever before. My son's behavior is atrocious, and I feel as though he really needs his father in his life for multiple reasons. Most of all though, I HATE the dating scene. I am so far over trying to get to know new people, learn their ways and behaviors, understand their level of crazy. I've had quite enough of all of that. This man already knows me and I know him. We have known each other for ten years, have lived together and have a son. Most importantly, I know that he will treat me like a queen and not only do I deserve that, but I am extremely tired of being alone.
My Fears...
I am afraid of me. Although I have grown and changed spiritually and emotionally, I have healed from my traumas, and I have replaced the old me with a much calmer, nicer, more caring version, I wonder if there will be something about him that will awaken the dead and bring that part of me back. If anyone, he would definitely be able to do it.
My Questions to You...
Would you be able to trust that this person could truly love you after having treated them so badly?
Do you believe that the past should stay in the past no matter what?
Do you believe that people come in and out of your life for reasons beyond your control?
Would you consider it settling to re-enter into a relationship with him?
and finally...
Would you go back?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
ACCEPT YOURSELF & OTHERS WILL TOO!
I wrote this for a specific purpose, but I saw it fit to use as a blog topic. Most of you won't comment out of fear or denial. For me, transparency is best!
*Some Biblical References....
Surprisingly most of us do not. We
know some things we like and some things we don’t like, but what generally
happens throughout the course of life is that we experience events, make
choices, and realize characteristics that we CHOOSE to ignore instead of face or deal with in a healthy manner. The result of this is that our
self-perception becomes distorted and thus when we begin to meet people and our
“real” selves begin to emerge, which sometimes causes a problem because we
become defensive when we’re confronted with it.
Oftentimes painful experiences send
us into a state of self-denial. Some people have identity issues when they’ve
been married since an early age and then end up widowed or divorced. They find
it difficult to simply live because they have no sense of self. Traumatic
events such as molestation, abuse, & rape will often distort our views of
reality if not dealt with appropriately.This
was my personal story. I realized that because I had experienced these traumas,
and had not dealt with them effectively, I was subconsciously holding myself
hostage to my past. I wasn’t allowing me
to really get to know me. My
behaviors, attitudes, and perceptions of myself were completely messed up.
Something in me didn’t feel worthy or able to love or be loved. Of course…at
the time, I never would have admitted that.
Let’s focus on a few………..
*Some Biblical References....
Do you
REALLY know who you are?
I read an article that suggested that
self-denial is very common in our society and causes a form of self-deception
that forces us to then form incorrect impressions about others.
o
In
your day to day interactions with people, have you noticed this trend as well?
Ø 2 Corinthians 10:12-13 talks about
comparing and contrasting yourself to others…
1. Do you find yourselves comparing
yourselves to others? If so, why do you think you do this.
Many of us, especially females, tend to look at another person with some level of envy wondering why our body part or material possession isn't like theirs.
Ø In 2 Corinthians 12: 6-10, Paul talks
about speaking and knowing the truth about yourself so that a person is not
fooled by how you portray yourself……**You
know…sending your representative forward first**
He acknowledges that God made him with flaws, and although he believed
that God should take away his flaws – and even asked him to several times as we
probably have – Once he realized that his flaws were his flaws and he was given
them for a purpose, he accepted them and understood that what we may perceive as
a weakness or shortcoming, is all strength in Christ when we are using it to fulfill
his purpose for our lives - which is to glorify God. Our abilities and
limitations were given by Him and help us to fulfill this purpose. Our
limitations help us to be humble, depend on God, and better understand others.
2. So why do you believe that it is
important to have a healthy self-image – knowing and accepting our attributes
and shortcomings?
3. Do you focus more on
pleasure-producing activities vs. relationship building or self-development?
For me it was sex. That was my escape
and I knew how to use it and not allow anyone to get too close to me
emotionally. For you it may be TV or the internet or drinking or whatever….
4. Do you blame others for where you are
in life?
a. If only I hadn’t gone through this…..
b. If this person hadn’t done this to
me….
c. I can’t do this or have that because
my ex took everything…
Answers…………………………………………………………………………………….
Ø God gave us a magnificent power in
forgiveness. Once you master this skill and learn how to harness its power and
CHOOSE to use it…it will effectively free you and you can begin to heal and
embrace yourself.
Ø Remember though that the forgiveness
of self is the first step. You must love and accept you for who you truly are
before you can expect anybody else to.
I will close
with Paul’s teaching to us about the purpose of evaluating ourselves. In 2
Corinthians 13:5, he says:
“Examine
yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your
own selves, how that Jesus Crist is in you, except ye be reprobates”
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