ACCEPT YOURSELF & OTHERS WILL TOO!

I wrote this for a specific purpose, but I saw it fit to use as a blog topic. Most of you won't comment out of fear or denial. For me, transparency is best!

*Some Biblical References....

Do you REALLY know who you are?

 Surprisingly most of us do not. We know some things we like and some things we don’t like, but what generally happens throughout the course of life is that we experience events, make choices, and realize characteristics that we CHOOSE to ignore instead of face or deal with in a healthy manner. The result of this is that our self-perception becomes distorted and thus when we begin to meet people and our “real” selves begin to emerge, which sometimes causes a problem because we become defensive when we’re confronted with it.

I read an article that suggested that self-denial is very common in our society and causes a form of self-deception that forces us to then form incorrect impressions about others.

o   In your day to day interactions with people, have you noticed this trend as well?

 Oftentimes painful experiences send us into a state of self-denial. Some people have identity issues when they’ve been married since an early age and then end up widowed or divorced. They find it difficult to simply live because they have no sense of self. Traumatic events such as molestation, abuse, & rape will often distort our views of reality if not dealt with appropriately.This was my personal story. I realized that because I had experienced these traumas, and had not dealt with them effectively, I was subconsciously holding myself hostage to my past. I wasn’t allowing me to really get to know me. My behaviors, attitudes, and perceptions of myself were completely messed up. Something in me didn’t feel worthy or able to love or be loved. Of course…at the time, I never would have admitted that.

While researching this topic, I ran across several questions that can help anyone who may be struggling with personal acceptance…Maybe they will help you.

 

             Let’s focus on a few………..

 

Ø 2 Corinthians 10:12-13 talks about comparing and contrasting yourself to others…

1.     Do you find yourselves comparing yourselves to others? If so, why do you think you do this.

Many of us, especially females, tend to look at another person with some level of envy wondering why our body part or material possession isn't like theirs.

Ø   In 2 Corinthians 12: 6-10, Paul talks about speaking and knowing the truth about yourself so that a person is not fooled by how you portray yourself……**You know…sending your representative forward first**

He acknowledges that God made him with flaws, and although he believed that God should take away his flaws – and even asked him to several times as we probably have – Once he realized that his flaws were his flaws and he was given them for a purpose, he accepted them and understood that what we may perceive as a weakness or shortcoming, is all strength in Christ when we are using it to fulfill his purpose for our lives - which is to glorify God. Our abilities and limitations were given by Him and help us to fulfill this purpose. Our limitations help us to be humble, depend on God, and better understand others.

2.     So why do you believe that it is important to have a healthy self-image – knowing and accepting our attributes and shortcomings?

 

3.     Do you focus more on pleasure-producing activities vs. relationship building or self-development?

For me it was sex. That was my escape and I knew how to use it and not       allow anyone to get too close to me emotionally. For you it may be TV or the internet or drinking or whatever….

 

4.     Do you blame others for where you are in life?

a.     If only I hadn’t gone through this…..

b.     If this person hadn’t done this to me….

c.      I can’t do this or have that because my ex took everything…

Answers…………………………………………………………………………………….

Ø God gave us a magnificent power in forgiveness. Once you master this skill and learn how to harness its power and CHOOSE to use it…it will effectively free you and you can begin to heal and embrace yourself.

Ø Remember though that the forgiveness of self is the first step. You must love and accept you for who you truly are before you can expect anybody else to.

I will close with Paul’s teaching to us about the purpose of evaluating ourselves. In 2 Corinthians 13:5, he says:

“Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Crist is in you, except ye be reprobates”

 

Smooth talking, cold-blooded...man of God?

Yesterday I read an article that shed light on an Atlanta area pastor, Craig Lamar Davis, of Full Gospel Baptist Church who decided that it was ok to not only cheat on his wife with multiple partners in and out of his church, but also to spread his HIV infection in the process....all while continuing to preach the work of God. Now forgive me if I'm wrong, and granted I have only been saved and back in the church for one year, but I don't recall ANYWHERE in the Bible where adultery, hipocrisy, and infecting people with life threatening diseases is ok. Ok that last one is not in the Bible, but I am sure that some law of our Father covers that! How exactly do you use the church, its constituents, and the word of God as ploys in your sick and twisted plot to destroy people's lives? I don't believe that I would feel any better had he not claimed to be a man of God, but the fact that that was his facade literally makes me feel ill! I have absolutely no sympathy for a person with such low integral quality.

As for the ladies involved in this mess (most of them anyway), I maintain an extremely low level of sympathy for them as well. First of all, most of you are members of his church, which means that you were well aware of the fact that he was married. You come into the house of God, proclaiming to love Him, shouting Hallelujah and dancing around, all the while focusing on your true intention of nailing the pastor. Regardless of how smooth he came across, or how humble he seemed to be, adultery is adultery and sinful lust is just that...and God sees all...spoken and unspoken. Now I am not claiming to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but this is most certainly a situation I would have run from! One woman responded saying that she met him online and that he was just so engaging and portrayed all of the qualities that any God-fearing woman wanted. He made you want to give it up to him on the 3rd or 4th date, is what she said. Really? Red Flag!! A true man of God would not be trying to get into your panties, and if you let him then there are demons you have to deal with! Now maybe this particular young lady wasn't a member of his church, and since she met him online, maybe she didn't know he was married, etc..., so yes, I have a little more sympathy and compassion for her, but come on ladies...we have got to make better decisions and start caring more for ourselves. I mean if we don't, who will?

Now on the flip side, where does this leave his wife in all of this? Is she just an innocent bystander? Should she forgive his behavior? Is she to blame for his behavior? What if this happened to you?
What say you?


Sidebar...this was almost the plot for one of my next books! Wow...then I hear about it in the news!

Living in YOUR Purpose

Although I have somewhere to go, I had to stop and be obedient to God and write this...not just for my own healing, but for someone else out there who needs it.

My Heavenly Father has allowed me to have glimpses of what can truly come if I completely to submit to Him and His will for my life. Instead however, I found myself looking at the lives of others that He has placed me around and feeling a sense of jealousy and self-pity. I would make comments to myself and to Him like, "Why can't I have the perfect husband, or the perfect home, or blessings overflowing like this person?" And thus He has given me the answer! It is because I have allowed myself to look through the window of someone else's life and compare my own to theirs, and that is not of God...at all. I was not completely living in MY purpose! Instead I CHOSE to wallow in self-pity, watching the purpose of others' lives unfolding, and wondering why not me. How unfair to God! How unfair to the person(s) on the receiving end. How dare you make someone else feel uncomfortable in your presence because you are unable to accept who you are...especially someone who loves you?

I have been very convicted recently, from many different places and people, on the fact that, as a child of God, you have to accept and receive your own blessings, receive your own favor, and deliberately fulfill your own purpose in life. I believe that when you allow yourself to pit your life and situation against that of someone else, you hinder your own overflow. Even when it appears that those you are watching have what you desire to have or are doing what you wish to do, you have to realize that just because they have it or are doing it does not mean that your heart's desires will not come to fruition...if it is the will of God for your life.

I won't talk long, but I challenge you...and yes I am taking my own challenge...to take time getting to know more about God, developing a more intimate relationship with Him, and allowing Him to reveal to you exactly what your purpose is. I challenge you to be mindful of your thoughts, and as they venture into the realm of anything unlike Him, you consciously change your thought pattern. Deliberately do things that help you to become the person that you desire to be. Allow the people you love to be mentors and role models instead of tools in your attempt to tear yourself down. As it was put to me by someone I love fiercely, "You are already good enough". Accept that my loves, own it, and allow it to be your driving force deeper into a relationship with Christ and deeper into YOUR purpose!

Be Blessed and just accept it! Life is full of love...don't push it away!

The Next 106 & Park Host

I will get back at you guys tomorrow...but TODAY, I need your help in voting for my daughter to be the next 106 & Park Host for BET! Here's the video link and all voting is done via Twitter!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDKJrhaTvWY&feature=share

I Can't Stand a Thirsty Guy!

Fellas, let's talk...seriously. Women love to be thought of as attractive by you all. Yes, it's the reason we get our nails done, wear weaves and wigs, get the eyebrows arched, stay waxed, and so on and so on. If one tries to tell you it has nothing to do with the male species...trust me, she is lying. There is a limit however, to the extent of which we feel that you should go to get or keep our attention.

EXAMPLE:
We're at a family function today and the guest of honor's son invites a lifelong friend over. His stepdaughter is also there, who happens to be a very attractive female. The friend spends the entire time hounding her, looking for her every time she is not within his eyesight, knocking on doors to find her, asking her question after question, making sure to mention her name with every sentence he speaks, etc... even to the point of it being obvious that she was becoming quite annoyed with his antics.

Guys, if the lady is not returning the attention, she is probably not very interested in you. It's really just that simple. Especially when she knows of your ridiculous past. In this case, I'm told he used to be an abusive pimp. What's worse is that she in no way found him attractive. Which should be obvious by the fact that you're being completely ignored! Now yes, I know that people often change, and sometimes with age comes wisdom and maturity, but I highly recommend exercising that wisdom in discerning the difference between someone who is interested and someone who is not.

I decided to write this blog just to help the guys understand that, while yes we want your attention, sometimes it's just too much. Use tact, be more reserved, exude confidence, demonstrate your role as a king and you will be sure to find your queen because she will be drawn to your magnetic energy and not running from your over-bearing and smothering approach.

...Just a little advice from a Queen.

My Issue With Single Parenting

I woke up this morning having chest pains, as I often do, and couldn’t really sleep to well all night. I decided to jump in the shower, to try to relax a bit, instead I found myself crying uncontrollably. I know that there is something wrong with my heart. Unfortunately, I may never know what it is because I simply cannot afford to pay anyone to find out. I stood in that shower praying over and over again to please be able to live long enough to watch my children all grow up and become beautiful adults. I am afraid – afraid of the unknown. This is my issue with single parenting.

I have been a single parent since the age of 16. I’ve tried marriage-that failed. I’ve loved my children more than I can describe in words, and the fear of not being with them anymore sickens me. Now, it is not to say that whatever the problem is, it’s a fatal one, but only God knows at this point. What I can say is that it does push me harder and faster toward my goals. I began college, again, in 2008, because I had a daughter nearing the college age, and I wanted to show her some determination. Of course, I also want to provide a much better life for them than they have seen thus far. I have since really persevered in school, and will be finishing, finally, with a degree that has eluded me for many years.

When your children are young, you know they are going to fall down and scrape their knees; they may even break a bone at some point. As a parent, you know how to deal with these mishaps. When they are teenagers, they are going to get their hearts broken, and scare you by staying out late – even past curfew some times. As a parent, I can handle these things too. When they go off to college, or move away, your heart is then broken, and you worry endlessly about them. This, as a single parent, I believe I can overcome as well. It is the things that you don’t know how to prepare for, physically and emotionally, that terrify me. It seems that all you can do is teach your children how to be strong, how to make decisions, how to love, how to be independent, and all the while they are teaching you these things as well.

Single parenting has taught me many things. It has brought me many tears, many laughs, and more pride than I could have ever imagined. It has shown me how to push through the pains of adversity, love harder than I thought possible, and dream bigger than my understanding could take me. It has made me realize that, no matter what, your children are yours, and regardless of what is going on in the world around you, they look to you for their every need. Your life is responsible for theirs. Every decision you make, or don’t make, every opportunity you take, or pass up, every play you attend, every game, every science project, every hug, every moment – it all means the world to your child, the one you brought here to share life with. This brings me to the one thing that being a single parent did not prepare me for – the thought of no longer being here, to be a parent at all.

As always...visit our talk show at www.blogtalkradio.com/never-strong-enough