Never Strong Enough...Overcoming Betrayal 02/28 by Never Strong Enough | Blog Talk Radio
Tune in Next Thursday 2/28/13 at 6pm pst for PART III in the Relationship Series with Special Guest: Bishop Pierre D. Chambers.
Dealing with identity, suicide, relationships, and personal belief, God still had his hand on Chambers, despite the abuse. His story is one of personal change and spiritual pilgrimage, with both its discouraging failures and its deeply satisfying successes.
Join us for the journey!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The Strength to Let Go
Simply put...you have to go and listen to this archived show about letting go of people/situations/experiences that are holding you back from your purpose in life.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/never-strong-enough/2013/02/22/never-strong-enough
Ultimately you must understand that God made you to be successful. He designed you perfectly to live your best life. Allowing others, including ourselves, to act as road blocks in our lives is not what He meant for us. I don't want to give you too much, but listen to the show by following the link above, then come back and let's discuss any questions or comments you may have.
Let's figure out what's holding you back and focus on breaking it down!
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/never-strong-enough/2013/02/22/never-strong-enough
Ultimately you must understand that God made you to be successful. He designed you perfectly to live your best life. Allowing others, including ourselves, to act as road blocks in our lives is not what He meant for us. I don't want to give you too much, but listen to the show by following the link above, then come back and let's discuss any questions or comments you may have.
Let's figure out what's holding you back and focus on breaking it down!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Would You Go Back?
Today, I am seeking opinions. It's not very often that I do this, simply because I generally don't like what other people say. I am learning, however, to let go of the reigns a little bit and let people into my comfort zone.
So, here it goes:
I am highly considering joining the ranks of such ladies as Liz Taylor and Marie Osmond. I have been on a popular dating site for a while now. I have had some very..uh..interesting experiences during this process. Recently, I logged on and saw the face of my ex-husband staring back at me. He had been viewing my profile. Now, although he and I have a seven year old son together, I haven't spoken to this man in years!
Because I have gone through many forms of healing and growth, I no longer harbored any ill-placed feelings toward him. My only wish was that, despite what I've said to him in the past, he had stayed in our son's life. I decided to leave him a message to let him know how I felt about our history. I told him that I apologize for severely mistreating him, for not loving him, for toying with his emotions, and for ultimately having a son knowing I didn't really want him around. I told him of my growth and let him know that I took most of the blame for the deterioration of our marriage. The problem was that I knew, going in, that I should not have married him. I didn't love him, I didn't have the patience for what I deemed to be stupidity on his part, and I wanted to be in control of everything yet became very vicious toward him because I felt like the man in our relationship. Honestly, he just didn't have a chance.
Shortly after him having viewed my profile, I saw him on Facebook. We exchanged a few messages and ultimately phone numbers and have been speaking very regularly ever since. He has since moved back to our home state which is 3,000 miles away, but talks about moving back here soon. He mentioned to me, the other day, that our converstions have stirred his emotions back up and that he is still in love with me. He swears that he wants to be back in our lives without fail this time.
My Thoughts...
He seems to have also grown and matured and does not sound like a complete idiot to me anymore. He is developing his own catering company and seems to be much more focused and business oriented than ever before. My son's behavior is atrocious, and I feel as though he really needs his father in his life for multiple reasons. Most of all though, I HATE the dating scene. I am so far over trying to get to know new people, learn their ways and behaviors, understand their level of crazy. I've had quite enough of all of that. This man already knows me and I know him. We have known each other for ten years, have lived together and have a son. Most importantly, I know that he will treat me like a queen and not only do I deserve that, but I am extremely tired of being alone.
My Fears...
I am afraid of me. Although I have grown and changed spiritually and emotionally, I have healed from my traumas, and I have replaced the old me with a much calmer, nicer, more caring version, I wonder if there will be something about him that will awaken the dead and bring that part of me back. If anyone, he would definitely be able to do it.
My Questions to You...
Would you be able to trust that this person could truly love you after having treated them so badly?
Do you believe that the past should stay in the past no matter what?
Do you believe that people come in and out of your life for reasons beyond your control?
Would you consider it settling to re-enter into a relationship with him?
and finally...
Would you go back?
So, here it goes:
I am highly considering joining the ranks of such ladies as Liz Taylor and Marie Osmond. I have been on a popular dating site for a while now. I have had some very..uh..interesting experiences during this process. Recently, I logged on and saw the face of my ex-husband staring back at me. He had been viewing my profile. Now, although he and I have a seven year old son together, I haven't spoken to this man in years!
Because I have gone through many forms of healing and growth, I no longer harbored any ill-placed feelings toward him. My only wish was that, despite what I've said to him in the past, he had stayed in our son's life. I decided to leave him a message to let him know how I felt about our history. I told him that I apologize for severely mistreating him, for not loving him, for toying with his emotions, and for ultimately having a son knowing I didn't really want him around. I told him of my growth and let him know that I took most of the blame for the deterioration of our marriage. The problem was that I knew, going in, that I should not have married him. I didn't love him, I didn't have the patience for what I deemed to be stupidity on his part, and I wanted to be in control of everything yet became very vicious toward him because I felt like the man in our relationship. Honestly, he just didn't have a chance.
Shortly after him having viewed my profile, I saw him on Facebook. We exchanged a few messages and ultimately phone numbers and have been speaking very regularly ever since. He has since moved back to our home state which is 3,000 miles away, but talks about moving back here soon. He mentioned to me, the other day, that our converstions have stirred his emotions back up and that he is still in love with me. He swears that he wants to be back in our lives without fail this time.
My Thoughts...
He seems to have also grown and matured and does not sound like a complete idiot to me anymore. He is developing his own catering company and seems to be much more focused and business oriented than ever before. My son's behavior is atrocious, and I feel as though he really needs his father in his life for multiple reasons. Most of all though, I HATE the dating scene. I am so far over trying to get to know new people, learn their ways and behaviors, understand their level of crazy. I've had quite enough of all of that. This man already knows me and I know him. We have known each other for ten years, have lived together and have a son. Most importantly, I know that he will treat me like a queen and not only do I deserve that, but I am extremely tired of being alone.
My Fears...
I am afraid of me. Although I have grown and changed spiritually and emotionally, I have healed from my traumas, and I have replaced the old me with a much calmer, nicer, more caring version, I wonder if there will be something about him that will awaken the dead and bring that part of me back. If anyone, he would definitely be able to do it.
My Questions to You...
Would you be able to trust that this person could truly love you after having treated them so badly?
Do you believe that the past should stay in the past no matter what?
Do you believe that people come in and out of your life for reasons beyond your control?
Would you consider it settling to re-enter into a relationship with him?
and finally...
Would you go back?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
ACCEPT YOURSELF & OTHERS WILL TOO!
I wrote this for a specific purpose, but I saw it fit to use as a blog topic. Most of you won't comment out of fear or denial. For me, transparency is best!
*Some Biblical References....
Surprisingly most of us do not. We
know some things we like and some things we don’t like, but what generally
happens throughout the course of life is that we experience events, make
choices, and realize characteristics that we CHOOSE to ignore instead of face or deal with in a healthy manner. The result of this is that our
self-perception becomes distorted and thus when we begin to meet people and our
“real” selves begin to emerge, which sometimes causes a problem because we
become defensive when we’re confronted with it.
Oftentimes painful experiences send
us into a state of self-denial. Some people have identity issues when they’ve
been married since an early age and then end up widowed or divorced. They find
it difficult to simply live because they have no sense of self. Traumatic
events such as molestation, abuse, & rape will often distort our views of
reality if not dealt with appropriately.This
was my personal story. I realized that because I had experienced these traumas,
and had not dealt with them effectively, I was subconsciously holding myself
hostage to my past. I wasn’t allowing me
to really get to know me. My
behaviors, attitudes, and perceptions of myself were completely messed up.
Something in me didn’t feel worthy or able to love or be loved. Of course…at
the time, I never would have admitted that.
Let’s focus on a few………..
*Some Biblical References....
Do you
REALLY know who you are?
I read an article that suggested that
self-denial is very common in our society and causes a form of self-deception
that forces us to then form incorrect impressions about others.
o
In
your day to day interactions with people, have you noticed this trend as well?
Ø 2 Corinthians 10:12-13 talks about
comparing and contrasting yourself to others…
1. Do you find yourselves comparing
yourselves to others? If so, why do you think you do this.
Many of us, especially females, tend to look at another person with some level of envy wondering why our body part or material possession isn't like theirs.
Ø In 2 Corinthians 12: 6-10, Paul talks
about speaking and knowing the truth about yourself so that a person is not
fooled by how you portray yourself……**You
know…sending your representative forward first**
He acknowledges that God made him with flaws, and although he believed
that God should take away his flaws – and even asked him to several times as we
probably have – Once he realized that his flaws were his flaws and he was given
them for a purpose, he accepted them and understood that what we may perceive as
a weakness or shortcoming, is all strength in Christ when we are using it to fulfill
his purpose for our lives - which is to glorify God. Our abilities and
limitations were given by Him and help us to fulfill this purpose. Our
limitations help us to be humble, depend on God, and better understand others.
2. So why do you believe that it is
important to have a healthy self-image – knowing and accepting our attributes
and shortcomings?
3. Do you focus more on
pleasure-producing activities vs. relationship building or self-development?
For me it was sex. That was my escape
and I knew how to use it and not allow anyone to get too close to me
emotionally. For you it may be TV or the internet or drinking or whatever….
4. Do you blame others for where you are
in life?
a. If only I hadn’t gone through this…..
b. If this person hadn’t done this to
me….
c. I can’t do this or have that because
my ex took everything…
Answers…………………………………………………………………………………….
Ø God gave us a magnificent power in
forgiveness. Once you master this skill and learn how to harness its power and
CHOOSE to use it…it will effectively free you and you can begin to heal and
embrace yourself.
Ø Remember though that the forgiveness
of self is the first step. You must love and accept you for who you truly are
before you can expect anybody else to.
I will close
with Paul’s teaching to us about the purpose of evaluating ourselves. In 2
Corinthians 13:5, he says:
“Examine
yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your
own selves, how that Jesus Crist is in you, except ye be reprobates”
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Smooth talking, cold-blooded...man of God?
Yesterday I read an article that shed light on an Atlanta area pastor, Craig Lamar Davis, of Full Gospel Baptist Church who decided that it was ok to not only cheat on his wife with multiple partners in and out of his church, but also to spread his HIV infection in the process....all while continuing to preach the work of God. Now forgive me if I'm wrong, and granted I have only been saved and back in the church for one year, but I don't recall ANYWHERE in the Bible where adultery, hipocrisy, and infecting people with life threatening diseases is ok. Ok that last one is not in the Bible, but I am sure that some law of our Father covers that! How exactly do you use the church, its constituents, and the word of God as ploys in your sick and twisted plot to destroy people's lives? I don't believe that I would feel any better had he not claimed to be a man of God, but the fact that that was his facade literally makes me feel ill! I have absolutely no sympathy for a person with such low integral quality.
As for the ladies involved in this mess (most of them anyway), I maintain an extremely low level of sympathy for them as well. First of all, most of you are members of his church, which means that you were well aware of the fact that he was married. You come into the house of God, proclaiming to love Him, shouting Hallelujah and dancing around, all the while focusing on your true intention of nailing the pastor. Regardless of how smooth he came across, or how humble he seemed to be, adultery is adultery and sinful lust is just that...and God sees all...spoken and unspoken. Now I am not claiming to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but this is most certainly a situation I would have run from! One woman responded saying that she met him online and that he was just so engaging and portrayed all of the qualities that any God-fearing woman wanted. He made you want to give it up to him on the 3rd or 4th date, is what she said. Really? Red Flag!! A true man of God would not be trying to get into your panties, and if you let him then there are demons you have to deal with! Now maybe this particular young lady wasn't a member of his church, and since she met him online, maybe she didn't know he was married, etc..., so yes, I have a little more sympathy and compassion for her, but come on ladies...we have got to make better decisions and start caring more for ourselves. I mean if we don't, who will?
Now on the flip side, where does this leave his wife in all of this? Is she just an innocent bystander? Should she forgive his behavior? Is she to blame for his behavior? What if this happened to you?
What say you?
Sidebar...this was almost the plot for one of my next books! Wow...then I hear about it in the news!
As for the ladies involved in this mess (most of them anyway), I maintain an extremely low level of sympathy for them as well. First of all, most of you are members of his church, which means that you were well aware of the fact that he was married. You come into the house of God, proclaiming to love Him, shouting Hallelujah and dancing around, all the while focusing on your true intention of nailing the pastor. Regardless of how smooth he came across, or how humble he seemed to be, adultery is adultery and sinful lust is just that...and God sees all...spoken and unspoken. Now I am not claiming to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but this is most certainly a situation I would have run from! One woman responded saying that she met him online and that he was just so engaging and portrayed all of the qualities that any God-fearing woman wanted. He made you want to give it up to him on the 3rd or 4th date, is what she said. Really? Red Flag!! A true man of God would not be trying to get into your panties, and if you let him then there are demons you have to deal with! Now maybe this particular young lady wasn't a member of his church, and since she met him online, maybe she didn't know he was married, etc..., so yes, I have a little more sympathy and compassion for her, but come on ladies...we have got to make better decisions and start caring more for ourselves. I mean if we don't, who will?
Now on the flip side, where does this leave his wife in all of this? Is she just an innocent bystander? Should she forgive his behavior? Is she to blame for his behavior? What if this happened to you?What say you?
Sidebar...this was almost the plot for one of my next books! Wow...then I hear about it in the news!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Living in YOUR Purpose
Although I have somewhere to go, I had to stop and be obedient to God and write this...not just for my own healing, but for someone else out there who needs it.
My Heavenly Father has allowed me to have glimpses of what can truly come if I completely to submit to Him and His will for my life. Instead however, I found myself looking at the lives of others that He has placed me around and feeling a sense of jealousy and self-pity. I would make comments to myself and to Him like, "Why can't I have the perfect husband, or the perfect home, or blessings overflowing like this person?" And thus He has given me the answer! It is because I have allowed myself to look through the window of someone else's life and compare my own to theirs, and that is not of God...at all. I was not completely living in MY purpose! Instead I CHOSE to wallow in self-pity, watching the purpose of others' lives unfolding, and wondering why not me. How unfair to God! How unfair to the person(s) on the receiving end. How dare you make someone else feel uncomfortable in your presence because you are unable to accept who you are...especially someone who loves you?
I have been very convicted recently, from many different places and people, on the fact that, as a child of God, you have to accept and receive your own blessings, receive your own favor, and deliberately fulfill your own purpose in life. I believe that when you allow yourself to pit your life and situation against that of someone else, you hinder your own overflow. Even when it appears that those you are watching have what you desire to have or are doing what you wish to do, you have to realize that just because they have it or are doing it does not mean that your heart's desires will not come to fruition...if it is the will of God for your life.
I won't talk long, but I challenge you...and yes I am taking my own challenge...to take time getting to know more about God, developing a more intimate relationship with Him, and allowing Him to reveal to you exactly what your purpose is. I challenge you to be mindful of your thoughts, and as they venture into the realm of anything unlike Him, you consciously change your thought pattern. Deliberately do things that help you to become the person that you desire to be. Allow the people you love to be mentors and role models instead of tools in your attempt to tear yourself down. As it was put to me by someone I love fiercely, "You are already good enough". Accept that my loves, own it, and allow it to be your driving force deeper into a relationship with Christ and deeper into YOUR purpose!
Be Blessed and just accept it! Life is full of love...don't push it away!
My Heavenly Father has allowed me to have glimpses of what can truly come if I completely to submit to Him and His will for my life. Instead however, I found myself looking at the lives of others that He has placed me around and feeling a sense of jealousy and self-pity. I would make comments to myself and to Him like, "Why can't I have the perfect husband, or the perfect home, or blessings overflowing like this person?" And thus He has given me the answer! It is because I have allowed myself to look through the window of someone else's life and compare my own to theirs, and that is not of God...at all. I was not completely living in MY purpose! Instead I CHOSE to wallow in self-pity, watching the purpose of others' lives unfolding, and wondering why not me. How unfair to God! How unfair to the person(s) on the receiving end. How dare you make someone else feel uncomfortable in your presence because you are unable to accept who you are...especially someone who loves you?
I have been very convicted recently, from many different places and people, on the fact that, as a child of God, you have to accept and receive your own blessings, receive your own favor, and deliberately fulfill your own purpose in life. I believe that when you allow yourself to pit your life and situation against that of someone else, you hinder your own overflow. Even when it appears that those you are watching have what you desire to have or are doing what you wish to do, you have to realize that just because they have it or are doing it does not mean that your heart's desires will not come to fruition...if it is the will of God for your life.
I won't talk long, but I challenge you...and yes I am taking my own challenge...to take time getting to know more about God, developing a more intimate relationship with Him, and allowing Him to reveal to you exactly what your purpose is. I challenge you to be mindful of your thoughts, and as they venture into the realm of anything unlike Him, you consciously change your thought pattern. Deliberately do things that help you to become the person that you desire to be. Allow the people you love to be mentors and role models instead of tools in your attempt to tear yourself down. As it was put to me by someone I love fiercely, "You are already good enough". Accept that my loves, own it, and allow it to be your driving force deeper into a relationship with Christ and deeper into YOUR purpose!
Be Blessed and just accept it! Life is full of love...don't push it away!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
The Next 106 & Park Host
I will get back at you guys tomorrow...but TODAY, I need your help in voting for my daughter to be the next 106 & Park Host for BET! Here's the video link and all voting is done via Twitter!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDKJrhaTvWY&feature=share
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDKJrhaTvWY&feature=share
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