Stop Suffering in Silence and Love Yourself...First

 

Ok ladies, I am here to give it to you straight. I’m singling you out from the men, because it seems that we are the ones who have the greatest problem with two major issues; one, suffering in silence and two, not loving ourselves first. Hopefully, we can change this pattern of thinking right here, right now.

 

Let’s look at these issues separately. Many of us, even with cultural differences, were raised to be strong. We were raised with the notion that what happens in the house - stays in the house, or to sweep it under the rug. I’m no different. When traumatic things happened within the family, that’s where it was supposed to stay. Think about how ridiculous that actually is. I’ve seen families go to the extremes of concealing predators, killers, and other criminals due to this twisted way of thinking. Suffering in silence is not only detrimental to our physical health, in terms of stress-related illnesses, but also to our long-term emotional well-being. Not facing, coping with, and healing from things in an appropriate and healthy manner always causes problems with our mental stability – whether or not you choose to admit it. How do I know this? Because I lived it. I am the person I’m describing, and you may be too. My past includes child sexual abuse for many years, family lies that concealed the identity of my biological father, rape, domestic violence and more. Through all of this, I figured that I was strong enough to handle it on my own. My upbringing taught me to deal with things this way. By the time I reached adulthood, I was really messed up emotionally, and had not even realized it. These experiences affected how I related to people, how I handled certain situations, and most importantly, how I viewed and treated myself. While I used extreme vanity and sex to mask my true feelings, I was dying inside from low self-esteem. I never seemed to feel worthy enough or happy enough.  I didn’t trust people and believed that everyone had a hidden agenda. Without facing these issues, I simply existed.  Really living just wasn’t an option for me. This caused me to make many harmful decisions as it related to my existence. Eventually, after writing my debut novel and other subsequent changes and realizations, I began to understand exactly how unhealthy and life-threatening trying to deal with things alone was for me. I just don’t want you to travel down the same road that I did, and if you are already in this place, know that it is not too late to make healthier decisions.

 

Making healthier decisions is the ultimate sign of showing yourself just how much you love you. Forgiveness, dependent upon your history, is usually the first step. Forgiveness of self before all others. Know that every one of us has made decisions that we are not proud of. We have all made choices that put us in harmful situations, or have found ourselves practicing destructive behaviors. Just know that we can use that strength that we hold so dear to elevate ourselves. My book states that, “Forgiveness is the ultimate feeling of release and freedom”. I firmly believe that, without this vital step, we will never experience true happiness, or completely fulfilling relationships with others. There is sufficient truth to the saying that we cannot love others until we first love ourselves.

 

On another note, there are some other keys to happiness that you must understand. One of which is the understanding that you cannot change anyone. Many of us delve into relationships, carrying our own brokenness, and believing that we can change or fix the other person. When will we learn that no matter how strong we believe ourselves to be, this is simply not possible? People are going to be who they are constructed to be. They may compromise some, or make attempts at changing some behaviors, but ultimately, the core of who they are will never change. A large part of loving ourselves above all others is by not accepting torture in the form of abuse, disrespect, and behavior that consistently shows ones true colors. We were made with intuition for a reason. When something seems off, so much so that you feel the need to seek counsel even, it probably is. Ladies, we are worthy of joy, and a love that many of us have never known. Believing that you are worthy is all that it takes. You can proclaim to your friends and others that you’re worthy, but until you believe it, wholeheartedly, within your soul, you will remain damaged.

 

Thanks for listening,

 

Souraya Christine

 

Author of “When is Strong, Strong Enough? How to Push Through the Pain”

Available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook, and most other book outlets.